20 October 2012
Am I Small Enough?
Something really exciting happened to me yesterday but before I begin, I must have a Truth Moment—I am on Match.com. Love it and it is a great way to meet people. Just never thought I would end up on a dating website. Whew, now that that's out, you will be able to follow the rest of my story ☺......
Yesterday, I received an email asking if I would be interested in being a part of a commercial for Match. They had viewed my profile and thought I would be a great fit. Thrilled I said yes and proceeded to listen to what the producer would need me to submit. Midway through our conversation, she asked me to email a recent photo of myself and my dress size. I immediately panicked, "What if I am not small enough?"
Despite a 55 lb. weight loss, I was still questioning whether or not I was going to be 'small' enough. My mind flashed to the multiple commercials they already have, and none of the ladies looked like me. What is she going to think of my pictures?
Now, since I am a processor, I stopped, took a deep breath, began to think and talk to myself lol. Karlyn, first of all, they have already seen your pictures...duh! How else would they even know about you? Second, why are you so concerned about whether or not they think you are 'small enough'? You have worked EXTREMELY hard to get where you are and whether or not they find that acceptable, you are proud of the progress you have made.
Fact is, I am still a work in progress. Proud of my accomplishment, YES! Totally adjusted to the new me, NO! This has been a long journey with plenty of ups and downs. Not only regarding the scale but emotionally as well. There are times when I look in the mirror and still see my old reflection. The commitment to live a healthy lifestyle and lose weight is one of the hardest things to do! Self-acceptance doesn't happen over night, especially when it comes after years of feeling fat, frustrated and ashamed. Truth be told, everyone wants to feel accepted. However, the most important thing I have learned along this journey is that I have to love myself just the way I am! That is where the real healing begins and the only way the hurt will ever end. It's a slow process but I owe it to myself and you do too.
So, who knows whether or not I will end up on T.V. But what I do know is I will enjoy this moment regardless and acknowledge what I have been through to get here. Why? Because I'm Worth It and I WORKED For It!!!!